just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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