glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
