In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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