she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
