why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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