Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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