should my penis look like a turkey
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
