Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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