man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
