Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
