I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
