im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
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so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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