You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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