batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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