just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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