I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
