My first STD was from a foam party
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
