Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
