Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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