i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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