So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
