hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
