Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
