Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
