allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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