so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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