so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
