nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i love accidental penises.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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