the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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