he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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