evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
