Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
