I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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