Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
