YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
