where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
