I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
