THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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