Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We are two peas in an std pod
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
