friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
