Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
