What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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