Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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