My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
