Apparently you make a good broom.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
