she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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