I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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