Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
