Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
