fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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