i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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