They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
