tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
