Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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