stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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