My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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