Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
