Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
