she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
