I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My life is pants optional.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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