Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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