So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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